


How I Really Feel...

by ValentineTrippy



Category: Linkin Park
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-03
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2019-06-21 06:16:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15551487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ValentineTrippy/pseuds/ValentineTrippy
Summary: This was posted on Lpfiction before this.





	1. Chapter 1

It has been five months since Chester passed and every day is more difficult because I can’t think of life without him and I have been living without him for five months now. I have been crying at things that I haven’t really before, leaving the jelly bean jar untouched because he ate all of them but green ones. He left all the green ones because they were his least favorite. We were working on a project the day before he passed and that morning I got a bowl from the kitchen and put the new jelly beans in it and the bowl is still in the bottom corner of the vocal booth is empty because I had the remainder of the jelly beans while sobbing in the vocal booth five months ago. I still hate myself for sobbing in the vocal booth but maybe that was what I needed and he was trying to send me a message of why but the reason why is an answer that isn’t simple. I could have been something I said or something I’ve done that made him feel this way or maybe there was an answer from him in the song that I wrote about looking for an answer. I have painted many painting without thinking, just doing them to heal. I never healed one bit but at least I tried. I still have all the band’s instruments in my studio. The vocal booth door is still open a crack. It is December, five days till Christmas and the man that loved to bring family together was no longer on earth. He was talking about Christmas in May, I wished that I payed more attention then but I remembered that I jokingly told him to email me. This was the time I pulled out my phone and checked my email and the email was right on top. I opened it and went to the store and got all the things that he would’ve bought in early December. This was what he wanted to do for Christmas this year and he was giving me the sign he wants me to do this in his honor, I will do anything to make him proud because he was my best friend and always will be. I just want him to know that he is not going to be forgotten and never will be.


	2. Chapter 2

As I was wrapping Christmas gifts I absentmindedly bought and wrapped a gift for Chester that I bought more than five months ago and now he can’t receive it because he isn’t here. This was the one time that I was frustrated at myself for doing my Christmas shopping ahead. I allowed myself to be frustrated for a little bit then I went back to wrapping gifts and when I finished I put the gifts for Chester’s family in a bag and went to my car and drove the very familiar road.

I parked in the very familiar driveway and start to cry as I look in the window of the bedroom where a orange curtain once was hung but now in its place was a curtain that was pink the favorite color of Chester. The color orange will always haunt me because it was probably the last color he seen. After crying for a few minutes get out of my car and cry my eyes. I pick up the bag and walk to the door that Lila Rose opens when she sees me at the door. As I walk in Lila says,

“Uncle Mike mom is in the kitchen”.

I take off my shoes then walk to the kitchen where Talinda is and I was about to say something to her but all I can let out is tears.  
I feel someone hugging me and I look up and see Talinda. I get myself together and tell her that I brought gifts for her and the kids. I also told her that I got a gift for Chester. I said to her that I was sure that he was going to love it. I got him a frame with two pictures in it, our first band photo that we took and our most recent band photo that I had because the most recent band photo that we had was missing him. I gave the gift to Talinda and she had tears in her eyes because we changed so much since that day, she said that she was happy that she met the five of us because together we made a very big fan base that is there for each other. Talinda is the best godmother and aunt my children could ever have because she treats my children like her nieces. Talinda is a very strong person and I have only a fraction of the strength that she has. She gives be a gift that has another one attached to it. On the gift tag it said,

“From: Ches, To: My friend Mike”.

The first one was a frame and in the first one was a photo from November 13th 2001 and in the second one was a photo from July 3rd 2017. I gave Talinda a hug and then she passes me the second gift and it said to wait till Christmas day and that was what I was going to do. Me and Talinda talked for a good hour and then it was lunch and Talinda asked me to stay and how could I decline her. She asks me to get the kids and go to Lily and Lila’s room and tell them it was lunchtime and then I went to Tyler’s room to say the same to him and by the time I walked to the kitchen again Lily and Lila were hugging my legs and telling me about what they learned in first grade. This made me think about my baby girls, they in preschool and they look like their father and have personalities of their own. Tyler looks a lot like Chester. He was a small version of Chester, me and the band have said that since he was born because he looked almost exactly like Chester. Lily and Lila look like both Chester and Talinda and at times they look like Chester. When I look up again we are all at the table and all my eyes focus on is the empty chair. Out of nowhere I sang,

“The reminders pull the floor from your feet. In the kitchen one more chair than you need.”

Tyler, Lily and Lila stared at me with the expression of no singing at the table but Lila gave her siblings a look and then all of them sang in unison,

“Oh”

Not only was I singing at the table but the three kids were joining in. When the kids sang they looked at me and I sang,

“And you're angry, and you should be, it's not fair. Just 'cause you can't see it, doesn't mean it isn't there.”

When I was done with those lines the kids sang,

“If they say”.

We sang the song together and we finished our lunch. Me and Talinda were crying but none of the kids said anything. Me and Talinda and the kids said our goodbyes. Tyler brought a bag of gifts to the car and I went home. I never went straight home I went to the studio first to pick up some gifts from my band mates. I already picked up their gifts this morning so they said to go down to the studio. I went to the studio to pick them up then I went home.


End file.
